Things I Learned In The Hospital

- Everyone is very friendly. Veeeery friendly.

- Once you're in the operating room, there's no fucking around. I was out cold within 3 minutes or so of being wheeled in. Three hours later I woke up in the recovery room with the worst case of drymouth ever.

- There's always someone who's got it way worse than you so stop feeling sorry for yourself. Like the guy in the bed next to me who was in obvious pain for hours until he finally got to sleep. He required a 24 hour nurse. In the morning they had trouble waking him up. Before I knew what was happening my bed was being wheeled out into the hallway and there are people with machines running around everywhere, trying to revive him. When I checked out a couple hours later they told me he was relatively OK in the ICU.
So stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself.

- Hospital beds are awesome. If I could have stolen it I would have.

- Either no one understands the word 'vegan' or no one reads your dietary preferences on the admittance form. Which ever, it's sort of shockingly disappointing. As I described in a previous post they brought me scrambled eggs, buttered toast and a carton of milk for breakfast. This is in a hospital. With health care professionals.
Really, just a banana and an apple would have been great. Undoably complicated I realize, but it would have been great.

- You can't help but become emotionally attached to your nurse. If she's friendly anyway. She's just there whenever you want her.

- I have a resting heart rate of 46-52 bpm. Which, ahem, is in the top range of a 23 year old athlete. Being significantly older than that, I thought that was alright. And I will quit fucking smoking any day now.

Fun With Hospital Food

I'm something of a cyclist. I mean, I'm not going to be a threat in the Tour de France at any point in this lifetime but damn I like riding a bike. Besides being the best way to get around the city, tell me that you don't feel like you're flying while you speed down a big hill. Go ahead. You can't because riding a bike is just fucking awesome. Anyway, six weeks ago, after waiting for a month for it to arrive, I was riding my brand new Cannondale on some off road trails here in the lovely city of Toronto. Mountain biking being possibly the most fun you can have on two wheels, there I was having a blast in The Don Valley.

Then...big hill, log at bottom, failed bunnyhop attempt, disaster. After a frenzied few seconds, there I was laying on the ground hoping I hadn't cracked my skull or wasn't bleeding to death. Something was definitely wrong. My right arm didn't feel right. Not right at all. Fucking fuck. After making my way to the emergency ward, wrist swelling up alarmingly and unable to move my right arm at the shoulder I'm told I have a broken collarbone and forearm.

Anyway, to get to the point, two weeks later I went in for surgery on my collarbone. It had been broken into three pieces so they ended up putting a plate in with screws holding everything together. I ended up staying overnight in the hospital. Now, when you check in to a hospital (at least in Canada), on the form is a question asking if you have any special dietary needs. I proudly write VEGAN in all caps and underneath "no animal products" just to make it as clear as crystal.

So the operation goes well, no complications, and I spend the rest of the day and night dozing and listening to 'The Dark Tower' audiobook (amazing by the way). The next morning they bring breakfast around.

They bring a tray into my room and I look under the lid.

Scrambled eggs, buttered toast and a carton of milk. Seriously. The opposite of vegan. You can't get any more un-vegan. All they would've had to do is put a fucking banana and an apple on a plate. Hello, is there a nutritionist in this here health care facility? Anyone...?

I politely sent it back.

Totally Irrelevant Social Parasites Actually Do Something Positive And Relevant!

If it was up to me, Kings, Queens and Royalty the world over would be stripped of their titles and entitlements, their money distributed to the poor and then put to work in animal sanctuaries. Fortunately though it's not up to me. If it was, if I had that kind of earth shattering power... that would make me a sort of king myself, the ultimate king! And after I finished with royalty I'd go after wall street billionaires and strip them of their wealth, build ginormous solar panels in space to supply the world with free energy, and then re-train the bankers to be the maintenance crew. Wahahahaha!

But I digress. The recent royal wedding in England, being the gigantic money sucking waste of space, time and energy that it is nevertheless managed to squeeze an ounce of progressive policy through its gold plated sphincter: They went vegan! Yes folks, the entire wedding was catered with vegan only food. Not a plate of bangers and mash (ugh) in sight. No Pheasants, fish eggs or goose livers - some of the favorite victims of the privileged - were harmed during this absurd spectacle.

Now, being royalty and completely out of touch with reality, the main reason for this gastronomical beneficence is political. The Queen wanted to make sure her guests, which included Hindus and Muslims (who think some types of meat are OK but others are verboten, but not the same ones) didn't offend their respective deities thereby causing what surely would be an international and inter-dimensional incident in which Krishna, Allah and Jesus would have to enter a pie (vegan pie, mind you) eating contest to settle things.

In the real world this will mainly serve to reinforce what many people mistakenly believe: that veganism is elitist; that you need to be rich to be a vegan. For the British people, victims of outrageous bank fraud and draconian social spending cutbacks, that if anything is what will resonate. I hope I'm wrong.

Hey! A New Potentially Apocalyptic Consequence of GMOs

Super! From the company who's main product is death in one form or another comes another heart stopping reason why you really shouldn't fuck with shit you don't understand.

In a letter from Dr. Don Huber, professor emeritus at Purdue University sent to Tom Vilsack, the US Secretary of Agriculture in January, Dr. Huber lays out some serious conclusions he's reached concerning a heretofore unknown micro-organism:

A team of senior plant and animal scientists have recently brought to my attention the discovery of an electron microscopic pathogen that appears to significantly impact the health of plants, animals, and probably human beings. ... This previously unknown organism is only visible under an electron microscope (36,000X), with an approximate size range equal to a medium size virus. It is able to reproduce and appears to be a micro-fungal-like organism. If so, it would be the first such micro-fungus ever identified. There is strong evidence that this infectious agent promotes diseases of both plants and mammals, which is very rare.

Based on a review of the data, it is widespread, very serious... 

Wow. A new fungus that can cause disease in you and your corn flakes. Super!  But wait... it is widespread, very serious, and?

...and is in much higher concentrations in Roundup Ready (RR) soybeans and corn-suggesting a link with the RR gene or more likely the presence of Roundup... It is found in high concentrations in Roundup Ready soybean meal and corn, distillers meal, fermentation feed products, pig stomach contents, and pig and cattle placentas.

The letter goes on to warn that this micro-organism, new to science mind you, could be linked to outbreaks of plant disease and animal reproductive failure and recommends that this situation be treated as an emergency. He concludes with this:

I have studied plant pathogens for more than 50 years. We are now seeing an unprecedented trend of increasing plant and animal diseases and disorders. This pathogen may be instrumental to understanding and solving this problem. It deserves immediate attention with significant resources to avoid a general collapse of our critical agricultural infrastructure.

OK. Sounds straightforward enough. Let's stop the insanity and ban the use of GMOs and Roundup until we can get a handle on this craziness (if that's even possible anymore).

Meanwhile, the Canadian Government presses on with it's 'Whatever the Corporations Tell Us To Do' policy.

Jesus Fried Chicken

I came across this fucked up little item over at the Raw Story. Basically, a conservative christian (or as I like to say 'willfully ignorant') group in the US named The American Family Association is encouraging it's misguided members to eat more fried chicken at the chain Chick-fil-A. Why? Because slightly less ignorant students at an Indiana university want to have all Chick-fil-A's products removed from campus.

See, Chick-fil-A is run as a christian business. They play christian music in their restaurants, close on Sundays, and... oh yeah, donate heavily to anti LGBT organizations:

Chick-fil-A, which has 1,550 locations in 39 states, has been accused of having deep financial ties to nationwide organizations that oppose marriage equality and lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) rights. According to an investigation by the progressive blog EqualityMatters, the restaurant chain's charitable division has provided more than $1.1 million to anti-LGBT organizations, including the Alliance Defense Fund and Family Research Council.

I'm all for LGBT rights. You are what you are and fuck who you fuck. As long as we're all consenting adults it's none of my business. But really, if we're going to talk about rights why is no one mentioning the chickens? Oh wait, Chick-fil-A, in an obtuse way, does:

Chick-fil-A's corporate purpose states that the business exists to "glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us" and "have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A.

"We have no agenda against anyone," Dan Cathy, President and COO of the fast food chain, said in a statement from January. "At the heart and soul of our company, we are a family business that serves and values all people regardless of their beliefs or opinions."

A faithful steward? Really? Slaughtering millions of innocent, sentient creatures for your own enrichment is faithful? Hmm. A positive influence? Really? Fried chicken is one of the most unhealthy things a person can force into their stomach, not to mention instilling in people the notion that animals exist solely for our use and abuse.

Please explain how you value my beliefs as a vegan, besides having a token salad on the menu. I'd love to hear it. Serve me something with black kale and almonds, damn it. And no,  not deep fried free range chicken raised on kale and almonds.

And just to illustrate how confused and willfully ignorant this corporation is, check out their website and their 'Eat Mor Chikin' campaign (their spelling not mine). See, ha, we're going to eat cows anyway, but why not eat more chicken? Cuz ther even stoopider then cowz. Stoopid fukin chikins.

Assholes.

Anyway, I'm all for the boycott. Whether or not you are LGBT, boycott these bastards.

Can We Please Dispose Of The Word Vegetarian Already?

I'm asking nicely.

Look up the word 'vegetarian' and you will quickly realize that there is a lot of confusion about the term. For some, being a vegetarian includes eating fish and chicken. For others it means eating no meat but allows for the consumption of milk, cheese and eggs. Hardly ever will you hear about the use of animals for clothing or laboratory testing in conjunction with the word.

It's all very willy nilly. Half-assed even. I mean, what's the point? If you call yourself a vegetarian and then scarf down some New England clam chowder (ugh) you're really calling yourself nothing. The label has no meaning. It's morally meaningless and behaviorally inconsistent.

Anyone who calls themselves a vegetarian is really an omnivore. Sure, maybe you don't eat red meat, or even any meat, but you'll happily suck back a milkshake or an omelet thinking all the while how healthy and righteous you are when in fact you are as responsible as Ronald McDonald for the exploitation and suffering of animals. You're doing nothing positive for your health by limiting yourself to milk or yogurt. If you want to drink deadly bacteria and pus then go for it, just don't pretend that what you are doing is any different than the guy eating the Meat Monster in Japan.

It's really just a way for omnivores to feel better about themselves while not doing anything to justify that feeling.

Don't be half-assed. Go V E G E T A R I A N!

Badge + Evil Corporation = Bananaguns

Man, I really like bananas. They're yummy, nutritious, convenient and sexy. They go great with peanut butter and chocolate and they're perfect for sweetening and thickening up a a smoothie. There's no plastic packaging to deal with (except in this insane marketing gimmick) and they match my blog's color scheme. Just fucking awesome all around.

So awesome that some people will kill for them. See, Back in 2007 Chiquita Brands International, Inc., they of the singing and dancing bananas, were indicted by the US Justice Dept. for doing business with the Autodefensas Unidas de Colombia, or AUC. The AUC was in fact a terrorist organization, designated as such by the US Govt., who engaged in the repression and murder of poor indigenous farmers and peasants in Colombia, largely in order to control cocaine production. Chiquita managed to skip away from the charges with a plea agreement that saw them pay a $25 million fine, but having to admit no responsibility for anything. They didn't have to admit that they received any goods or services for the over $1.7 million in payments they made to the AUC, claiming the money was extorted from them, thereby (Chiquita hoped) heading off any questions that would result from an admission that they did get something in return after all.

But things are starting to look a bit more grim for the singing banana. As part of the sentencing agreement, along with the fine Chiquita had to turn over thousands of confidential internal memos. And these tell a different story than than the one we've heard. According to Micheal Evans, from the National Security Archives:

The documents provide evidence of mutually-beneficial "transactions" between Chiquita's Colombian subsidiaries and several illegal armed groups in Colombia and shed light on more than a decade of security-related payments to guerrillas, paramilitaries, Colombian security forces, and government-sponsored Convivir militia groups. The collection also details the company's efforts to conceal the so-called "sensitive payments" in the expense accounts of company managers and through other dirty tricks.

(By the way, Chiquita used to be known as The United Fruit Company, a textbook study of corporate power, racism, exploitation and violence)

At the same time as the criminal charges were brought, Chiquita was sued by its victims (currently the suit is waiting the desicion on a motion of dismissal by Chiquita). From Democracy Now:

The American fruit giant Chiquita has been hit with a new lawsuit on behalf of victims of Colombian paramilitaries. Earlier this year Chiquita admitted to paying one point seven million dollars to a right-wing Colombian paramilitary group on the U.S. terrorist watch list. On Wednesday, nearly four hundred Colombian plaintiffs filed a civil suit seeking almost eight billion dollars in damages. Plaintiff attorney Jonathan Reiter said Chiquita should be held accountable for the killings it helped fund.

Chiquita says it fell victim to an extortion attempt and made the payments only to protect its employees. But a private investigator hired by the plaintiffs disputed Chiquita’s denials. The investigator, William Acosta, says his findings leave no doubt over Chiquita’s complicity.

Chiquita is already facing another lawsuit from relatives of one-hundred forty-four people killed by Colombian paramilitaries. The company has paid a twenty-five million dollar fine to the U.S. government but none of the money has gone to the victims’ families.

So here we have a corporation who's operations in Colombia rely on co-operation with paramilitary groups to protect their assets. Coincidentally, Colombia is at the center of the US' s misnamed war on drugs, with billions flowing into that country to supposedly combat cocaine production. A cursory glance at the correlation between the rising cost of the drug war and the rising use of cocaine in the US indicates the futility of the program (unless, of course, the purpose isn't to stop the drug trade but to control it, then it makes morbid sense).

Do you think that maybe one of the main reasons that there are paramilitaries in the first place is because of the war on drugs?

The real results of the drug war and corporate agribusiness are the marginalization and exploitation of the local populations, pitting them against each other using manufactured and artificial crises as part of a program of control and domination.