(an ongoing project)
Q. How do you get your protein if you don't eat meat?
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Q. But what if I'm an athlete?
A. Yes dumbass, even if you're a freaking bodybuilder._______________________
Q. Yeah, but, you're killing plants too. That's not nice.
A. That's not even a question._______________________
Q. Uh... OK, What if plants feel pain? Do you like slaughtering innocent strawberries?
A. Love it. Especially when they're screaming in pain. Oh wait...strawberries don't have a nervous system. They can't feel pain. Whether or not strawberries feel anything is an open question, but without a nervous system you are pain free. And just for the sake of argument let's say, as horrific as it would be, that plants do feel pain. Since most of our industrial crops are grown in order to feed the approximately 50 billion animals slaughtered or enslaved for food each year, then most of the "pain" we cause plants would end if we stopped exploiting animals. And don't ever ask such a stupid question again._______________________
Q. If you were stranded on a desert island and had no choice, would you eat meat?
A. Didn't I just ask you not to...OK, where the fuck is the meat coming from? Is it being dropped from the sky by Kang and Kodos, hatching a diabolical plot to overthrow humanity? Or, if there are living animals on this island, what do you think they eat... sand? Driftwood? Or maybe they're all carnivores...
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Q. But hey, didn't God put animals here for our benefit?
A. Interesting two part question. Part one - No. Invisible man in the sky did not put anything here for any purpose whatsoever. See 'science'. Part two - Of course animals are here for our benefit. Just as we are here for theirs. We're all living on the same planet, and if we were doing things the right way we would be increasing biodiversity instead of diminishing it.
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Q. So, you're not allowed to eat meat?
A. That's right. Mommy told me I'm not allowed to eat with the other kids.
Seriously?
I'm allowed to eat anything I want to. Being a vegan isn't like eating kosher. There isn't an imminent or existential threat levied against me if I decide to choke down some bacon. I wouldn't feel compelled to confess my carnivorous carnality to the flying broccoli monster. I won't go to hell, or to jail, or to a hellish jail. Being a vegan is ultimately a choice between being morally consistent in our dealings with all animals, and not. Dog = fish = rat = horse... etc. That's it. You choose it, or not, and you are only answerable to yourself and your fellow earthlings.
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Q. Animals eat other animals. Isn't that cruel too? Huh?
A. Do you think that a jaguar would start eating tree bark if she couldn't catch any tapirs? No, she would starve to death. Why? Because she has no choice in what she eats. Her entire biochemistry is optimized to make use of the nutrients available in fresh meat. Her skeleton and musculature is supremely adept at stalking, lunging, jumping and gripping. She's got long, sharp fangs and retractable claws. A fucking killing machine, really. But all of these amazing traits would be completely pointless if she could just decide, one day out of the blue, to start foraging.
Conversely, you must also believe that a cow, if there was no roughage available, would start eating, oh I don't know, cats? Or horses? Or.. gulp, people?
And there is at least one crucial difference between human and non-human animals: technology. We have it, they don't. And one of the oldest technologies we have is farming. We alone, out of the myriad forms of animal life on earth can grow our own food. Enough, in fact, of thousands of different crops to keep ourselves alive and healthy. That is awesome, because it gives us the opportunity to stop needlessly killing other animals. We don't need to. In fact we'd be healthier and happier if we didn't.
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Q. Doesn't animal experimentation save lives?
A. Human lives, maybe. But think how many lives would be saved if we all stopped eating meat. Heart disease, diabetes, many types of cancer would all be greatly diminished.
As George Bernard Shaw once said: "You do not settle whether an experiment is justified or not by merely showing that it is of some use. The distinction is not between useful and useless experiments, but between barbarous and civilized behavior." Using animals for medical experiments against their will is barbarous. Would you be outraged if your neighbors were randomly rounded up to have terrifying experiments performed on them?
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